i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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