Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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