Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
