Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
