I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
