Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
