Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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