I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
