Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's the barista slut.
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Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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