She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
