Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
