hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
