I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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