Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
