Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
