We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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