Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
