So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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