She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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