I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
