so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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