I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
