look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
