What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
