I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
