Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
