I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
