i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
