the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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