You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
