i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
