At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im six kinds of drunk right now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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