i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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