did you get engaged???
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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