omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
