the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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