She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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