ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
