They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
