I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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