Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
