btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
