My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
