tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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