Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
