I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
