The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
