i just sent this text using only my big toe
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize