I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
