Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
