Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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