Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
