My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
