Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
