is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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