CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
