How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
