just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
