I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
