I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
