I cockslap morals
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
