Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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