I got chris browned last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
