don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
