she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
