How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
