I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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