I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
