i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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