He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
