Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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