Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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