ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
