dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
