last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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