using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
