is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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