bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
