I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
