Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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