READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
