My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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