A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I did not marry a roomba.
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