I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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