oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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