my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
