well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
